Happy Christmas!

hope your Christmas was happy as ours :)

yes, we were bees! we drew yellow stripes as theme this year.

this is it! my scary age!

in a few hours...i will turn 35...

which, after watching an episode in sex and the city, has become my scary age. sort of. you see i've always thought that i'd be married by this time.  but obviously, i'm not. 

but i won't be disheartened. somewhere, someone is just waiting to be found or could be on his way to finding me...i just hope he doesn't make the wrong turn again :)

happy birthday dear old me. here's to more fab years ahead.

and to my dear dad....my first love, the only thing that makes me anticipate my bday is because it is your birthday too. happy 75th! here's to 100 years more of awesomeness! we love you papa!

call it what you want

coincidence...serendipity...or just another big fat silly trick that the universe has sent my way.

call it what you want. take it how you want.  he's back. again.  single and ready to mingle. not himhim from work. but the one that got away. the one itch i haven't scratched. the one who turns/turned my world upside down even when i had a boyfriend. that one. and what perfect timing now that himhim has been laid to rest!

could he really be that this time around?  my william hayes?

is he santa's early christmas pressy? or a birthday gift perhaps?

ok i'm stopping.

Rapunzel : A Tangled Tale

i have not enjoyed a single Disney animated film since The Little Mermaid. it did set the bar high after all and the ones that follow fell short. don't get me wrong, they're not bad. they're just not as good.

Rapunzel however, blew me away. the soundtrack was amazing. the colors are brilliant and the dialogues are hilarious. of course i am biased as Flynn Rider's voice was that of Zach Levi. it doesn't matter that the entire movie felt like hearing Chuck rant. no. it doesn't matter. at all.

here's what i'm singing in my head and i can't stop!!!

abril! watch it!!!!! you have to!

just around the corner

so how come i'm not feeling it yet? despite the fabulous displays in almost all the malls here in KL, i really am not in holiday spirits.

boo! imma have to start feelin it. SOON!!! after all, scrooge is so overrated.

35 days to go.

updates since my last post

Work:
I'm back in KL, this time, a project for Singapore. the last project for HK was a huge success albeit some issues, most of which are non-work related

I have a new member which makes us a team of 6 now. masipag pa. for how long, i'm not sure hahaha!
performance appraissal is just around the corner so i'm keeping both fingers and toes crossed! a promotion sounds mighty fine :)

Family:
Miguel was a scarecrow last halloween. oooohhh and he was the cutest scarecrow ever!

himhim:
IS DEAD. I KILLED HIM NA!

well, he's out my life at least. like way out. we hardly talked since i went back to manila..not even before i left for KL. do i miss him? i'd be lying and a straightass hypocrite if i say i don't.

so yes, i do. but not like before. something just died and he and i were never the same.

friends:
i'm gonna be a bridesmaid. again. one in december and the other one in january. lampas 27 dresses na ito!!!! lord, pwede bang tanggalin na ang maid at maging bride naman ako??? hahhaa!

so that's it. KL is gonna be home for the next month. which means, i will be celebrating my bday here and i will be missing Papa's big 75th celebration at home :(

counting the days

5 more days to go and imma comin home!
but first, i will be spending the weekend at the historical Malacca.
can you spell excited?

moment of truth

tomorrow will be the cutover for the last wave of this ever mahabang project.

uat is almost done and so far, no major issue has been encountered.

if everything goes according to plan, the days following this weekend will be a breeze.
wish me luck!

oh! oh! and this would mean that in less than 2 weeks, i'll be back in manila! yey!!! no more cooking! no more laundry! hello senyorita! hahahhahah!

booked

as the project here is coming to a close, instead of going back to manila, we opted to just exit KL for a weekend in Singapore.

could've been better if i was able to book a flight to Bangkok and join my bestie!

avril! elusive ang ating out of manila rendezvous anovah!!!!!

back in KL

for another month or so...

we are halfway through the project and i have yet to uncross my fingers since i got back last week hahaha!

this is it! go live for the last applications is drawing near.

so far so good.

i'm letting you go

to swim with the other fishes so i too can swim in a sea without you in it...

thank you.

you asked me tonight if it was brave of me for not taking the chance just coz i know there's no point or that i'm just scared for not wanting to get hurt. i had no answer, at least not to your face.

I'm telling you now. I honestly don't know. all i know is i have to make peace with what is and not hope or think of what it's not.

and this...letting you go...no matter how hard it is is the bravest thing i have done and will do.

good to be home

so it's day 2 in manila and everything is better than fine.

Day 1 was spent with my family. Well at least for the entire 4hours that i was awake! Hahaha! mama cooked adobo since i requested for it. Since i started getting lo ng out of the country assignments, adobo has been my welcome meal. So even if airline food as yet to be digested, i had to eat. After all, no one cooks adobo like my mom!

my nephew miguel could not get enough of me and i'm not complaining. he now has this eay of looking and smiling at you as if to say uuuyyy ninang is here! And his words! Omg! It's only been a month but his vocabulary has increased tremendously. That plus the fact that he's more pilyo than ever. once i said no and he goes "aba laban na ha!" and the gives me the cutest smile! hahaha!

Today was spent at work. and as expected, i was swamped. But i don't mind. I love what i do! 2 days down. 5 days to go before i leave again.

Oh and the best part is i saw him and i was ok. which is a far cry from where i was a month ago. Snaps for me!

manila, oh how i love thee. You're far from perfect but i am happy to call you my imperfect home :)

manila hostage crisis, my half cents worth

it's been 5 days after the manila hostage crisis took place. rolando mendoza will be buried today.

has the Philippine government done something about it besides pointing fingers on who is to blame?

i am currently in KL and the front page of the news for the days following the incident was that. being a filipino in a foreign land at a time like this makes one feel not shame but guilt. but i spoke too soon.

pictures have circulated the web which tainted what is left of our country's dignity. cops and students alike posed and smiled in front of the bus. so yes, for that i am shameful to be called a Filipino.

i have read a number of articles about those who survived and i can't help but feel that the people in my country did this to them. a mother lost a husband and 2 duaghters with a son in ICU. what do you make of that? how will they feel if they see that while they are in grief, people still had the audacity to strike a pose?

does it matter now whether mendoza meant to kill anyone or not? or that media aired the arrest or not?

at the end of the day, lives were lost.
 
that was that.
 
 
 

hope for the flowers

a very good friend of mine is in love.

wonderful news. it's one of those unexpected surprises that you love to get.

the playah is playing no more and i'm glad.

makes one think, there is indeed hope for the flowers. and the bees. and the trees.

ok, i'm blabbing. i'm just happy for him. way to go babes. it's about time.

on expectations falling short

never ask a question if you're not ready for the answer. especially if the answer you're gonna get is not the one that you were hoping for.

a friend once told me, you only get hurt when you expect. does that mean you just take things as they are. settle for things that are and never think about the possibility of something other than what is?

i say screw that. otherwise, i'm screwed.

expectations give us a glimmer of hope. the key is not to go overboard. while it's true that it's no fun when people/things fall short of what is expected, it's not the end of the world. if it is, then the world has ended for all of us a long time ago.

of course i'm writing this, not for you as i am still trying to convince myself. almost there. baby steps.

Terrified

i love this version...Zachary Levi is friggin hot!

him singing is just the icing on top :)

excitement and dread

in a little over a week, i will be going back to manila.

i'm excited to see friends and family. but not without an ounce of dread as i too will see him again. it's been a week since my last emo episode and i'd like to keep it that way.

on the upside, i will be back here after a week. so all is good.

====

on a different note, i'm off to Timesquare to buy me a tripod for nikki (yes, i named my toy! deal with it!)

happy weekend everyone!

green is good

wheatgrass honey....my new favorite drink

cam fiddler

with the arrival of my new toy comes the birth of a new hobby which i think deserves it's own space in cyberworld.

come check out my photo blog

disclaimer: i'm nowhere near good. but i'm learning. :)

when girls get sad...they buy stuff

so i did. today. on a whim.

Nikon D3000

the crappy part of all these drama

is that i can't talk to you about it. you've asked me a million times but i just can't and it sucks.

tonight, when you asked if it was you, i almost said yes. but i can't. so i didn't. it's easier that way i think.

you're my bestfriend and i should be able to tell you stuff like these. that's what you're supposed to be doing. comforting me in times like these. but how can i when the problem is you? how can i tell you that everytime you're near i melt?

how can i tell you that when your heart breaks, my heart breaks into a million pieces more? how can i tell you that i need to stop loving you? tell me. how?

you should've stayed away. you shouldn't have gone back. now i'm a mess and i can't tell my bestfriend about it.

domestic diva in KL

unlike my last trip here in KL where we stayed at the Renaissance, this time we were fortunate enough to be booked in a serviced apartment. which meant, that we can cook and eat the food that we like. it's cheap and won't give you gas.
so today, we went to market. and i mean, a real wet market. my mom will be proud.

and then i cooked a decent lunch for me and my roomies to share.



torta and mixed veggies with basmati rice
cooking relaxes me. that plus the fact that i like it when people like what i cook. so yes, i am a domestic diva in KL as i was in Melbourne
just don't tell my mom.

reset

that's what i said. all i needed was a reset.

but at the rate i'm going, the reset becomes more like a pause. a pause that as soon as i get back to manila will get played over and over again.

why is it so hard to let go of this one? i'm usually good at it. but now, even with my game face on, i seem to be having the most difficult time.

is it because i have never cared this much before? or have never felt this with anyone not even previous boyfriends?

that's just sad. but i'm on pause. so i'm not allowed to be sad. but i am.

so yes, i am doomed.

ironies and self-control

i seem to be finding it difficult to ignore you. i may be out of manila but your presence is felt from across the miles.

i want to not answer your messages but i'm failing miserably. in fact, your messages still bring a hefty amount of smile on my face.

funny, though that the joy you bring comes with a serving of pain as well.

am i doomed?

leaving

i just finished packing for a month long assignment in KL.
unlike my previous trip there, i'm looking forward to this one.
not because of the project but because it gave me a reason to go away for a while.
a much needed time off. from him.
with the hopes that when i get back, i have healed.
dear universe, please be on my side on this one.

needs

I need to be somewhere far. away from him.
I need time. to pull myself together
I need to be my old self again. to not care and be free
and i need to drink because these needs are driving me mad!!

figured where july went

this little boy turned 2! 
and had his first haircut and then, there's....

============= B O R A C A Y =============   

thanks deeaye for reminding me.
sans a few emo episodes, july was indeed a blast! no wonder it flew by so quickly!

spaced out much?

i was reading a blog i loved and posted a comment. when the comment appeared, the date showed july 24.

i paused for a minute and just as i was about to adjust my pc's date settings, i realized, it REALLY is july 24!

where did july go, i wonder.

hurt

the worst part is, he doesn't even know.

in a way, i'm at fault i guess. i should've known better than to trust my insticts.

but then if i am not able to do that, trust whatever my instincts tell me, then what's left?
is it better than the alternative that is cynicism and doubt?

take a chance, leap the leap otherwise you won't know. That's what everybody says.

So i did.

and look where i am now.

flattery or insult?

Icon Bar, 5:00AM
I was with des, standing by the bar dancing to our heart's content. Adam was in the washroom. A foreigner pops in front of me, extends his hand and says hi.
Foreign guy : Hi! I'm Jayson. You are?
Me : (10 second pause) Hi! I'm Michelle.
Foreign guy : (doesn't let go of my hand and leans even closer) How are you?
Me : I'm good.
Foreign guy : wanna dance?
Me : nah, i'm tired. Thanks!
Foreign guy : Wanna go to my place?
Me : Uh, No.
Foreign guy : So, wanna go to your place then?
Me : (giving him a pat on the shoulder) Nope, try someone else

A few minutes later, as des and i were walking towards the washroom, same guy approached me and goes:

Foreign guy : Hi.
Me : You already said hi to me earlier
Foreign guy : I know, so are we going to your place?

i upped and left before he can say anything else.
flattery or insult? take your pick.

booked!

boracay here i come. i've missed you!

talk about impulse vacays! hahahahhahaha!

deeaye and i are so gonna have a blast!

eating my words

last year, i said that running is not for me as i, for one, am not athletic.

a couple of months ago, thanks to my uber persistent friend tolits, and, after finding the perfect running shoes, i turned a new leaf. i began to run. and i loved it.

who would've thought that i, the ever clumsy, ever maarte non-athletic, can't-even-ride-a-bike girl would appreciate and love running so much that i already finished two 5k runs! one of which was at night, under heavy rain.

yup. i did and i never felt so friggin good!

======

5K Nature Valley Run
5K Rock and Run

funny

college crush: good morning beautiful
me: good morning crazy person!
college crush: lakers or celtics?
me: (with full confidence)celtics...just coz i like odum and i hate coby!
college crush: odum is the powerforward of lakers. buti na lang maganda ka.

nuff said hahahaha!

he's back

just when i don't miss him anymore.

Chocolate Fire

not for chocolate intolerant..if there exists one.



they also serve soups, salads, pasta and sandwiches but the selection is very limited. i had the Mortadella which was ok albeit the overly toasted wheat bread.



Chocolate Fire
Herrera cor Leviste St.
Salcedo Vill. Makati

Tory Burch

i found myself cheating on my stylettos...with flats! Hahahaha!

my latest purchase ... a pair of tory burch flats. and yes, my feet are very happy!

oohh and i'm lusting over these!!!!

sex and the city 2

if the first one brought us tears and was a little heavy on the heart albeit the happy ending, the sequel will make the sides of your tummy and jaw hurt. it.was.funny! hilarious i must say.

from liza minelli singing Single Ladies to Samantha having hot flashes to abdul the gay butler, SATC2 proved to be the better movie. i loved loved loved it!

oh, and i wouldn't mind watching it again...and again...and again.

i am woman, hear me roar!
Oh yes I am wise.
But it's wisdom born of pain.
Yes, I've paid the price.
But look how much I gained.
If I have to, I can face anything.

I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

i've been robbed

well, not really. but it sure does feel like it.

see, i was supposed to go on another assignment, this time in HK.

that was yesterday.

today however, i found out that somebody else is going. the same somebody who asked me to process my visa.

nice. just nice.

a man called linggam

the office in KL is located at the Technology Park which is a good 30 minute cab ride from the Renaissance in Jalan Ampang. if traffic isn't bad that is.

getting to work was easy since we just get the ones from the hotel. now, getting out of the techno park is another story. cabs are scarce not to mention very expensive. on the first few days we had to walk from the office to the nearest stop for us to get a cab.

until Linggam came along. he was our knight in not so shining revo hahaha! he picked us up every night, rain and traffic notwithstanding. he is a stocky middle eastern guy prolly in his 50s who, at first glance looks a bit scary, but has the biggest heart among the locals i met in KL. fatherly and funny, that's him. making sure we could get to wherever we want safe and sound each night.

on our last night there, he did the sweetest and most unexpected thing...he gave me a purse. a really simple purse that gave me the biggest smile and melted my heart.

if there's one thing i'll miss in KL, it is him.

thanks old man. drive safe and stay safe :)

shopping in KL

i don't wanna give anyone the impression that i hate KL. i don't. circumstances just made staying here a bit challenging and less fun.

besides the food which i obviously love, shopping is cheap. really cheap. yes, compared to Manila, there are lots of fab finds here that are almost half priced.

Debenhams, Marks and Spencer and The Face Shop to name a few, which are ridiculously priced in Manila are almost a bargain here. naturally, i shopped. and shopped and then shop some more. after all the stupid glitches at work, i feel like i deserved earned the right to buy stuff. hahaha! ok ok i'm making excuses! can't help it.

i still have 2 weeks to go and they already don't fit in my luggage! waaa! korea isdatyu?!

so now, i'm trying to stay away from the malls. wish me luck!

17 days down, 13 days to go

i normally don't mind having long assignments. i mean, i totally had fun in Melbourne despite the fact that i was alone for the first couple of weeks.

now that i'm in KL though, i feel like it's taking so long for the project to end. i want to go home. i miss my family, especially miguel who is spending this weekend in boracay.

it doesn't help too that this project sucks big time. i mean, our team here was given the "do you know what you're doing?" treatment since day 1. now, if it really were the case, i'd be big enough to admit that it's true. but it's not. and it sucks! especially when we are all doing our darnest best. kwestyunin ba ang skill sets namin when we are actually ahead of schedule????

next week the team from HK are flying here. time for us to prove them all wrong. and we are all so gonna bring it! ha!

on another note, i think i have gained weight since i got here. the food is great and all we ever do is eat! stress eating isdatyu?

the hotel has a fabulous gym and i plan to go this weekend.

so there, KL is ok. but it's not a place i wanna go back to.

kl ten days and counting

First off....we were transferred to a better hotel. Yey!

no more stupid anaps and my room has an uber nice view of the petronas tower.

sadly though, internet isn't free and it ain't cheap. good thing there's free wifi at the coffee shop just across.

i'm halfway done with work so the next couple of weeks will be a breeze.

i miss miguel. Mama said he can form sentences now so i cam't wait to go home.

bitchings and musings in Kuala Lumpur

bitchings:
1. the airport
it took forever for us to get an airport taxi. there's 3 of us and obviously the luggage won't fit in a regular car so we requested for a van. the cashier said yes so off we went in line. 30 minutes later, the porter told us we were on the wrong gate. fine. gate no. 5 he said. off we went again. the taxi came. it was a car. right.
we had to go back to the cashier and pay an extra 50RM because apparently, what we paid for was a car, not a van. argh! it took us 2 hours just to get out of the airport!

2. the hotel
I.DON'T.LIKE my hotel. i was given the smallest room possible. small enough to have a minor claustrophobic attack. i managed, however to have them transfer me to a bigger room on thursday.
last night, i hardly slept because the doors of the nearby rooms kept on slamming. really. i had to go out a few times with the hopes that the guests will get the picture. now, did they? hell no! stupid anaps!
having had a bad night, i was, this morning, awaken by the irritating sounds from the hallway. apparently, slamming the doors aren't enough. they had to speak at the top of their lungs while going from room to room. banging the doors as they pleased. really stupid anaps!
oh, and internet isn't free.

3. the stupid anaps
no explanation needed.

4. the cabs
unlike in Singapore, getting a cab here is like haggling in divisoria. much worse than the cabbies in manila. really.

musings
1. the food
for someone who is quite picky with food, i am loving the food so far. from curry to marsala to bokchoi and everything in between, everything is delicious. sans the scarcity of pork, i'm a happy camper.
Jalan Alor is a must for everyone visiting here.

2. the shopping
ooohhh this makes everything alright. stuff here are cheap! even at Debenhams! which makes it a shopping heaven. the damage so far, shoes for miguel, a dress, a pair of pants and a flirty top.

3. the sites
this, i have yet to explore. but it looks promising. tomorrow, we're off to Genting Highlands and i can't wait.

4. the hotel
stupid anaps are gone! yey!

so there, this is my KL experience so far. i will post some pictures soon.
gnyt sweeties!

Packed

In less than an hour. For a 3wk trip.

Somebody ought to give me a pat on the back or a star on my hand hehe!

malaysia here i come!

malaysia truly asia

in a few days, i'm off for a 3-week assignment in the land famous for the Petronas Towers.

it's gonna be my first time in KL and i'm sorta excited. just a tad bit :)

i love my job!

driving along edsa

because i had no choice, i braved EDSA.

i drove from Makati to Sun Valley and got home without a single scratch on the car.

and then i woke up.

anxiety much?

it sucks

that i miss him.

really, really sucks!

a sea of unfamiliar faces

for the first time in a very long time, going to work today was something i didn't look forward to. as part of our company's expansion program slash cost cutting scheme, almost half of the employees had to move to the alabang office in order to accommodate the new ones.

that being said, as i came to work this morning, instead of the usual warm and friendly atmosphere, i was welcomed by a sea of unfamiliar faces. the office was unusually quiet and the people i have grown to like and love over the last five years are gone.

it was like being new all over again and it sucks. change may be good but this one isn't. at least for me, it isn't. part of the reason why i love working is the people i work with. now that half of them are gone, going to work sorta sucks just a bit.

while it's true that making new friends may be easy and i'm sure the new ones are fine, it just isn't the same.

blogging, the lack of it

i was going through my old posts and i can't help but feel a bit disappointed. not with what i've read or how i've been writing the last 5 years, but because i realized, i haven't been writing in A LONG TIME!

i used to write everyday for crying out loud. now, i'm down to one entry per month, all of which are practically close to nonsense. i mean, the only entry worth reading was my bday blog for a dear dear friend.

and then it hit me, i have become addicted to microblogging. damn you Facebook and Twitter and all your one liner status updates! hahahha!

fine, it's convenient. true, it's real time. and yes, it's so much fun especially when friends react. but now, i'm beginning to think doing so has robbed writing of it's grandeur.

but who am i kidding? sans the existense of all these convenient online networks, i guess part of the reason is that i am beginning to edit. a lot has happened over the last couple of months but i have yet to summon the courage to write about them yet for fear of incriminating myself way too much.

so i'm bouncing back. i love writing. i may not be the best writer but i love putting my thoughts in paper. and the fact that i have kept this open means that everyone is welcome to take a peak. even him.

yes, there's a him. and normally i'd have given y'all the 411 on everything about him. but i can't just yet.

soon. hopefully soon.

found

the quest for the perfect pair of running shoes is over.

i had myself analyzed at Runnr in High Street and found out that my feet needed stability. yes, my feet are bobo hahahaha!

i initially wanted an adidas but when i saw the nike lunar elite+ in stealth and pink, i just knew it was the shoe for me. plus, it had reflectors at the front and back. hindi ako masasagasaan! hahaha!

last night, i ran 4K and my feet didn't complain at all. love it!

and so the swiping begins

after paying in cash for almost 10 years, i finally decided to get a credit card.

2 weeks ago, i applied and it came in today.

good luck to me!

lady driver soon

yes, you read it right.

i. will. drive. for myself. soon.

i had my first taste last night and it wasn't so bad.

my motivation? loads of friends who live in faraway QC!

soon, i shall conquer EDSA! hahaha! good luck to me!

to the one who holds his heart

i know it's not right to be envious but i am.

i envy you. you have what i want, something i will never have.

i so want to be you. even for just a minute, i would trade places just so i'd know and feel what it's like.

you're lucky. i hope you know that.

because today is your birthday...

i will not lie. nor will i say things just to please or flatter you. so here goes...
you're the one who i turn to when shit happens. if i feel crappy or excited, you're the first person on my list. who would've thought that the day would come when you will become "my person". in a short span of time, you have become that. true, we've shared countless yosi breaks together but more than that, you have become my confidante, my cheerleader, my brusko in shining armor.
you say i'm spoiled and yet, you continue to spoil me.
you say i'm clumsy and yet, you don't get tired of being my walking stick.
you are brusko and yet, you allowed me to see how sensitive and caring you can be.
your joys are simple but your dreams are big and i admire you for that.
you are never afraid. you're not one to back down on any fight, be it your own or that of the ones you love.
you are probably the sweetest person i know. sans the occassional pang-aasar, you have the kindest of heart.
hindi ka malandi, misunderstood lang. probably because you have so much love to give that some people mistake you for playin the field.
you are what friends are supposed to be. ready to fight at any cost, at any time.
you are what dads are supposed to be. willing to give anything and everything just so your kids are well taken cared of now and in the future. everyone who knows you knows you will give up your life for your kids in an instant.
you give more than what is called for without asking nor expecting anything in return.
33 years ago today, God gave us a wonderful present. you are brilliant. you should know that. you have to believe that. never for a minute should you think otherwise.
thank you. i know you have my back.
happy birthday! life at work sucks less because you're here.
ps.
when i grow up, i want to meet and be with someone like you.
pps.
stop grinning!
always,
spoiled and clumsy gemgem