counting the days

5 more days to go and imma comin home!
but first, i will be spending the weekend at the historical Malacca.
can you spell excited?

moment of truth

tomorrow will be the cutover for the last wave of this ever mahabang project.

uat is almost done and so far, no major issue has been encountered.

if everything goes according to plan, the days following this weekend will be a breeze.
wish me luck!

oh! oh! and this would mean that in less than 2 weeks, i'll be back in manila! yey!!! no more cooking! no more laundry! hello senyorita! hahahhahah!

booked

as the project here is coming to a close, instead of going back to manila, we opted to just exit KL for a weekend in Singapore.

could've been better if i was able to book a flight to Bangkok and join my bestie!

avril! elusive ang ating out of manila rendezvous anovah!!!!!

back in KL

for another month or so...

we are halfway through the project and i have yet to uncross my fingers since i got back last week hahaha!

this is it! go live for the last applications is drawing near.

so far so good.

i'm letting you go

to swim with the other fishes so i too can swim in a sea without you in it...

thank you.

you asked me tonight if it was brave of me for not taking the chance just coz i know there's no point or that i'm just scared for not wanting to get hurt. i had no answer, at least not to your face.

I'm telling you now. I honestly don't know. all i know is i have to make peace with what is and not hope or think of what it's not.

and this...letting you go...no matter how hard it is is the bravest thing i have done and will do.

good to be home

so it's day 2 in manila and everything is better than fine.

Day 1 was spent with my family. Well at least for the entire 4hours that i was awake! Hahaha! mama cooked adobo since i requested for it. Since i started getting lo ng out of the country assignments, adobo has been my welcome meal. So even if airline food as yet to be digested, i had to eat. After all, no one cooks adobo like my mom!

my nephew miguel could not get enough of me and i'm not complaining. he now has this eay of looking and smiling at you as if to say uuuyyy ninang is here! And his words! Omg! It's only been a month but his vocabulary has increased tremendously. That plus the fact that he's more pilyo than ever. once i said no and he goes "aba laban na ha!" and the gives me the cutest smile! hahaha!

Today was spent at work. and as expected, i was swamped. But i don't mind. I love what i do! 2 days down. 5 days to go before i leave again.

Oh and the best part is i saw him and i was ok. which is a far cry from where i was a month ago. Snaps for me!

manila, oh how i love thee. You're far from perfect but i am happy to call you my imperfect home :)

manila hostage crisis, my half cents worth

it's been 5 days after the manila hostage crisis took place. rolando mendoza will be buried today.

has the Philippine government done something about it besides pointing fingers on who is to blame?

i am currently in KL and the front page of the news for the days following the incident was that. being a filipino in a foreign land at a time like this makes one feel not shame but guilt. but i spoke too soon.

pictures have circulated the web which tainted what is left of our country's dignity. cops and students alike posed and smiled in front of the bus. so yes, for that i am shameful to be called a Filipino.

i have read a number of articles about those who survived and i can't help but feel that the people in my country did this to them. a mother lost a husband and 2 duaghters with a son in ICU. what do you make of that? how will they feel if they see that while they are in grief, people still had the audacity to strike a pose?

does it matter now whether mendoza meant to kill anyone or not? or that media aired the arrest or not?

at the end of the day, lives were lost.
 
that was that.
 
 
 

hope for the flowers

a very good friend of mine is in love.

wonderful news. it's one of those unexpected surprises that you love to get.

the playah is playing no more and i'm glad.

makes one think, there is indeed hope for the flowers. and the bees. and the trees.

ok, i'm blabbing. i'm just happy for him. way to go babes. it's about time.

on expectations falling short

never ask a question if you're not ready for the answer. especially if the answer you're gonna get is not the one that you were hoping for.

a friend once told me, you only get hurt when you expect. does that mean you just take things as they are. settle for things that are and never think about the possibility of something other than what is?

i say screw that. otherwise, i'm screwed.

expectations give us a glimmer of hope. the key is not to go overboard. while it's true that it's no fun when people/things fall short of what is expected, it's not the end of the world. if it is, then the world has ended for all of us a long time ago.

of course i'm writing this, not for you as i am still trying to convince myself. almost there. baby steps.

Terrified

i love this version...Zachary Levi is friggin hot!

him singing is just the icing on top :)

excitement and dread

in a little over a week, i will be going back to manila.

i'm excited to see friends and family. but not without an ounce of dread as i too will see him again. it's been a week since my last emo episode and i'd like to keep it that way.

on the upside, i will be back here after a week. so all is good.

====

on a different note, i'm off to Timesquare to buy me a tripod for nikki (yes, i named my toy! deal with it!)

happy weekend everyone!

green is good

wheatgrass honey....my new favorite drink

cam fiddler

with the arrival of my new toy comes the birth of a new hobby which i think deserves it's own space in cyberworld.

come check out my photo blog

disclaimer: i'm nowhere near good. but i'm learning. :)

when girls get sad...they buy stuff

so i did. today. on a whim.

Nikon D3000

the crappy part of all these drama

is that i can't talk to you about it. you've asked me a million times but i just can't and it sucks.

tonight, when you asked if it was you, i almost said yes. but i can't. so i didn't. it's easier that way i think.

you're my bestfriend and i should be able to tell you stuff like these. that's what you're supposed to be doing. comforting me in times like these. but how can i when the problem is you? how can i tell you that everytime you're near i melt?

how can i tell you that when your heart breaks, my heart breaks into a million pieces more? how can i tell you that i need to stop loving you? tell me. how?

you should've stayed away. you shouldn't have gone back. now i'm a mess and i can't tell my bestfriend about it.

domestic diva in KL

unlike my last trip here in KL where we stayed at the Renaissance, this time we were fortunate enough to be booked in a serviced apartment. which meant, that we can cook and eat the food that we like. it's cheap and won't give you gas.
so today, we went to market. and i mean, a real wet market. my mom will be proud.

and then i cooked a decent lunch for me and my roomies to share.



torta and mixed veggies with basmati rice
cooking relaxes me. that plus the fact that i like it when people like what i cook. so yes, i am a domestic diva in KL as i was in Melbourne
just don't tell my mom.

reset

that's what i said. all i needed was a reset.

but at the rate i'm going, the reset becomes more like a pause. a pause that as soon as i get back to manila will get played over and over again.

why is it so hard to let go of this one? i'm usually good at it. but now, even with my game face on, i seem to be having the most difficult time.

is it because i have never cared this much before? or have never felt this with anyone not even previous boyfriends?

that's just sad. but i'm on pause. so i'm not allowed to be sad. but i am.

so yes, i am doomed.

ironies and self-control

i seem to be finding it difficult to ignore you. i may be out of manila but your presence is felt from across the miles.

i want to not answer your messages but i'm failing miserably. in fact, your messages still bring a hefty amount of smile on my face.

funny, though that the joy you bring comes with a serving of pain as well.

am i doomed?

leaving

i just finished packing for a month long assignment in KL.
unlike my previous trip there, i'm looking forward to this one.
not because of the project but because it gave me a reason to go away for a while.
a much needed time off. from him.
with the hopes that when i get back, i have healed.
dear universe, please be on my side on this one.

needs

I need to be somewhere far. away from him.
I need time. to pull myself together
I need to be my old self again. to not care and be free
and i need to drink because these needs are driving me mad!!