Tuesday, July 10, 2007

the blues

it's 4AM and i still can't sleep.

i'm having a terrible terrible case of the blues.

after a few tosses and turn, i decided to just get up and blog about it.

i am sad. no, i am very sad.

i guess it's one of those times when i realize that at 31, i am alone. and for the very first time in a long time, i felt it. but that's not even the reason why i feel sad. it's the thought that i will never find it in my heart to start believing that i can be happy with someone in my life again. that i could have what my mom and dad have.

it saddens me to know that as early as now, i feel like i have given up. it's not as if there isn't anyone out there. believe me, there have been oppotunities put to waste just because i wasn't interested enough. or maybe i was too scared and foolish to have let them slip. either way, i just can't bring myself to trust and have faith in men again.

what does that make me? a man hater? i hope not. as i know i don't hate them.

if only one could erase a memory. if only one can forget how painful it was. if only.

it is not the universe's job to protect us from getting hurt, i know that. if only it works that way.

if only. then i would be fine.

4 comments:

Di said...

It makes it even better when it comes although you've given up!

stoicsushi said...

i know...thanks ;)

Frodo said...

My heart goes out to you my dearest China Doll... :)

If only I could be the one to make you the happiest female in this planet, I wouldn't have qualms in pursuing such tasks... knowing pretty well that women like you are hard to come by and likely worth all the hassles we men have to go through. Mind, I'm not trying to be patronizing and definitely this is no form of being condescending. I intend not to give you offense.

Sadly I got issues of my own to settle...

...and besides, I don't see myself worthy.

Cheers, anyway, and I pray for your happiness!

Always,
Fro

stoicsushi said...

aawww that's so sweet of you.

like i said, it was just one of those times....i'm ok now ;)

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