turned off and utterly disappointed

i thought you were more than that.
i thought you were more of a man that.

but then again i thought i knew you.

apparently i don't,

what i perceived as sensible and kind was just that, mere perceptions and far from being true.

it's just sad to know now that the person i once thought to be the closest to me was actually a complete stranger.

so now i know i made the right move. gone is the guilt. gone is the hurt.
you weren't my knight in shining armor. you were just a sucker for damsels in distress. it took me 3 years to figure it out. better late than never huh?

thank you for showing me the kind of person you really are.

song in my head. mood of my day.

I'm Not That Girl  
by Stephen Schwartz (Wicked the Musical)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

i woke up but my right face didn't

Electromyography (EMG)

it pays to be vain. at least that's what my neurologist told me when i was admitted to the Makati Medical Center last week. had i not been vain, i wouldn't have noticed the symptoms right away.

i've been experiencing consistent pain at the back of my right ear since i got back so i went for a neuro consult last week. at first i thought it was just a simple jetlag so i didn't give it much thought until tuesday (aug. 21) when i noticed that my right eye wasn't blinking as fast as my left. being used to allergies, i thought it was just a simple attack so i took some antihistamine.

on wednesday (aug. 22) it got worse. my right eye was watery and i couldn't pucker my lips nor make bubble faces. when i looked at the mirror, i knew something was wrong. my right face wasn't reacting the same way as my left. i googled all my symptoms and looked for a good neuro so i could schedule a consult.

thursday afternoon, i went to Makati Med and was admitted right away. what i thought was jetlag turned out to be an early symptom of Bells Palsy  - "a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the cranial nerve VII (the facial nerve) that results in the inability to control facial muscles on the affected side" .

at the ER, the attending physician told me it was good that i went to the doctor right away. usual prognosis takes about a month or two while some percentage never recover. mine took a week. i was given antibacterial and steroids and physical therapy sessions which include electric stimulation and heat therapy as well as facial massages and exercise.

by the time i got out of the hospital last monday (aug. 27), my face was almost back to normal.

i'm still taking some meds and i still need to have physical therapy at least once a week but all is good.

so there, that's how my first month in Manila was spent. i say that's one helluva homecoming.

heading back

all good things must come to end.

my time here is up and i will be heading back to Manila in the morning.

goodbye America. you have been grand. see you in october.

iba talaga ang Pinoy

people deal with various events in life differently from others.  

what may seem tragic and hopeless to a vast majority may be considered trivial and hopeful for some. ganyan ang mga pinoy. amidst tragedies and calamities, we always find time to smile and take them all in, not with bitterness and despair but with a smile on our faces, ready and willing to help those who are far worst than we are.

our glass is always half full. never empty. 

taking care of the elderly

pag nadapa, babangon. pag masakit, iiyak ng sandali. we don't wallow. we can't afford to. to say we are used to hardships in life is an understatement. we grew up knowing we are not entitled. this may seem negative to others but that's how we are raised.  that's why we strive and work harder than the person next to us. nobody's gonna hand things to us on a silver platter. we make things happen.

no boat? this boy made his own

don't get me wrong, we don't trivialize serious matters such as natural calamities. we just don't take them hard. nangyari na eh, what's the use of crying over it for a long period of time. we are handed a bad card and yet Filipinos choose not to fold but to play their darnest best.

when Ondoy happened in 2009, people didn't have time to feel sorry for themselves or wallow in self-pity. everyone who is able to help, albeit small, lend a hand. the rich, the poor, the young and the old. again, doing so with a smile on their faces. 

the Philippines is once again in a state of calamity. the monsoon rains have not stopped for the last 2 days, engulfing most of Luzon in water. once again, i see smiling faces. they know, we know we can handle it just like we always do.

reaching out to help

Filipinos always find solidarity in times of trouble. we always find the silver lining - the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. we remain strong and undeterred and resilient at every blow life throws us. we believe that things will work out in the end. we never lose hope. 

it goes without saying that we don't just sit and wait for our knight in shining armor. we deal. we stand and help ourselves up and move on and in doing so, we still have the energy and love to help those we meet along the way.

as in Ondoy, i am not there to witness it all. looking at the pictures and videos, i cannot help but feel not sorry but proud. relief and rescue efforts mostly from private individuals and organizations are immediately in effect. they can't afford to wait for the government to come to their aid. they don't need to as everyone is pitching in.

even the animals are not forgotten

social media once again played a vital role in all of this. prayers and helpful information flooded the web. twitter and facebook were filled with real time updates, not to scare anyone but to spread the news in the hopes that they, in their own little way, are able to help pass on information.

kahit maliit, basta makatulong. 

of course there will still be the runts of the litter. the opportunists and the pessimists and the so-called haters. to them i say, sorry na lang kayo. Filipinos will not falter nor give in. make fun and hate all you want, nobody's listening anyway as everybody else is busy dealing with it the best way they can.

yan ang Pinoy and i am proud to be one.

~~~~~~~~

for those who wish to help in any way, here are a few info:

• Cash donations may be deposited to Philippine Star's Operation Damayan: MBTC Port Area Branch Account No. 151-304-161622-9. Or you may call The STAR hotline 527-7901 local 148 or direct line 301-9598 and look for Emie Cruz.
• For Bankard card holders, you may also donate by calling the Bankard hotline 888-1-888.
• A list of evacuation centers and relief operations can be found in this link

*** photos are taken from the web

Hello there Ms Liberty!

a trip to the US will not be complete without seeing the great statue. instead of  going to Liberty Island or Ellis Island,  we opted to take the Staten Island Ferry - one, because it's free and two because we didn't have that much time. i just wanted a picture after all and a tour will be time consuming.

the downside is that while the ferry may have a good view of the statue, it doesn't get close enough to get great shots (especially if you're gonna be using an iphone). just the same, it served it's purpose.

Statue of Liberty - America's symbol of freedom and opportunity.

if you're looking to have great and upclose shots plus you have time and money to burn, then the Staten Island Ferry is not the way to go. a scheduled tour of the Ellis or Liberty Island might be better options.

for me, this was enough.

1 week to say adieu

has it been 2 months??? 

i feel like i just got here! there's still so much shopping to do! (panic much?)

in 1 week, i shall go back to Manila

until then,  i have 2 months to be with my family and friends back home while keeping my fingers crossed for the next trip here come October.

i love my job. i do. i really really do.

unexpected recognition

i got an email from my old boss yesterday. a surprise email if i may add since i moved to a different team late last year.

she said that in recognition of my participation in the success of what probably is the team's biggest project last year, she nominated as one of the top performers to be presented to the higher ups.

i don't expect to actually win or be the best, but to have someone appreciate and value me the way that she does is truly an honor and an achievement in itself.

so to you madam, thank you. to say i am touched is an understatement. you are my mentor and my inspiration. thank you for the trust and the chance.

Wicked on Broadway

in the world of musical theater, i have one that has been at the top of my list since it started in 1989 - Miss Saigon. to me, that is the epitome of a good musical : beautiful songs coupled with amazing actors/singers and a storyline that captures the hearts of the audience long after they have left the theaters. Miss Saigon had it. 

and then came Wicked which had everything Miss Saigon had and more.

i know it isn't fair to compare these two as they are as vastly different as day is to night but i can't NOT compare as i love both. Miss Saigon was romantic and sad and tragic while Wicked is light and comedic with a dash of seriousness here and there.  a difference, which i think gave Wicked a slight advantage  is the entertainment value and how each individual line was written with humor and wit. even when Glinda and Elphaba were saying goodbye for the last time, they still managed to inject a little bit of humor in the end. 

that moment when you see or hear something and then your goosebumps suddenly get out of control? i had that in Defying Gravity. literally. i had to physically shush my goossies to go away coz they just won't! 

Wicked is current and relatable. the audience left the theaters not in tears nor with heavy hearts but with smiles on their faces happily humming "Defying Gravity" and being sentimental over "For Good" and "I'm not that Girl" or trying to recall Ginda's one liners. i know i was! i remember eric and i doing Glinda's toss toss as we left the Gershwin Theater. 

it was that good. it's been days and i still can't get over it. i've seen some videos on Youtube with the original cast and all i can say is the cast last saturday was as just as talented and maybe a bit funnier?  it's like watching Glinda on crack! really hilarious! and Miss Elphaba gave me the awww moment of the night.

best musical ever. sorry Lea. Miss Saigon will always have a soft spot in my heart but for now, it's Elphaba and Glinda's turn. 

waiting for the show to start...yes, my eyes were twinkling in anticipation!

cocktails served in cool Wicked tumbler/sippy cup souvenirs is an ingenious marketing strategy! i had the glozmopolitan (cranberry vodka) and eric had the ozmopolitan (apple vodka)

thanks Eric for another Wickedly fun night

quite simply, it's the best money i've spent EVER and i wouldn't mind watching it again. 

time to meet the witches of OZ

this saturday,
at the Gerswhin Theater in New York

something will change within me

i will finally get to watch Wicked

here's to hoping i don't pee in my pants. seriously.

weekend in Washington

The White House 

                           W (Washington Hotel)                        US Department of Treasury               

            Washington Monument                             Lincoln Statue

Lincoln Memorial 

                Korea War Veterans Memorial                Martin Luther King Memorial 

Tidal Basin and Jefferson Memorial 

(surrounded by Cherry Blossom Trees which is a site to behold in spring time)

 Commercial planes hover the Lincoln Memorial grounds

World War II Memorial

encircling the memorial are columns/pillars each representing a country or state affected by WWII

crossing the brooklyn bridge

two things i said i wanted to do in new york : watch Wicked and cross the Brooklyn Bridge. 

Brooklyn Bridge

last saturday, i met up with Eric and Shai, both friends from manila who now live in Brooklyn and they gave me the brooklyn bridge experience (we first took the subway going to Brooklyn and then crossed the bridge on foot going back to Manhattan.)

and what heck of an experience it was! the Brooklyn Bridge has the best view of Manhattan on one side and of Brooklyn on the other; love locks lined the walls and railings and hinges of the bridge, left there by lovers/couples to express a promise love and loyalty; artists with their sketch pads lay on the path as they drew/sketched;  locals and tourists, camera on hand take pictures as they thread the walkway along with a number of cyclists (be careful as they might run you over if you're on their side of the walkway.)

 

                            love locks                                           more love locks

                            my designated tour guides :)                halfway thru the bridge

   

crossed the bridge on foot...all 1.8miles in 38degree weather. 

others may call it it crazy. i call it badass!!

every inch of the bridge is picture worthy with an awesome backdrop on all sides - Brooklyn, Manhattan skyline, Manhattan Bridge and a very small view of the Statue of Liberty can be seen on that vantage point. add to that the ferries crossing the the  East River down below. 

                            view of Manhattan Bridge                Manhattan Skyline

Brooklyn Bridge Landmark

one item on my New York Bucketlist, checked! i have crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. the same bridge where Miranda and Steve met and reconciled. awwww!

tomorrow, i'm of to DC to visit the presidents! woot woot!

mid-day ramblings at work

i'm here in the US for a project...however, the materials we need for us to proceed are still somewhere in Kenya and Uganda making their way to New Jersey.

so now i'm a lull. don't get me wrong, i don't usually mind not doing anything at work. i mean, back in manila, this NEVER HAPPENS.

however, an idle mind can make you go antok or crazy. the antok i can handle. a cup of coffee or a puff of dunhill does the trick. it's the crazies that's drives me..well, crazy. it's times like this when you reminisce and think of the past. it wouldn't be a problem if all were good memories. but that's not the case. it's the bad ones that always pop up and when they do, it becomes an explosion of pandora's box.

maybe karma got lost?

i was reading bunny's entry on karma yesterday and you guessed it, i empathized. it got me thinking about my own karma. i mean, i'm grateful to have been blessed by a wonderful and loving family and i'm fortunate to have always been surrounded by awesome friends. i have a great job that allows me to do what i want and lets me travel to places i can only dream of going.

now come the BUT.

my lovelife has been on a losing streak. while it's true that one can't have everything, it sucks that i haven't had a decent relationship in a long time. and by a long time i meant the last real relationship i had. it's been 7 friggin years. sure i've gone out and had "relationships" after that but all were either fleeting or the what-was-i-thinking-kinda-stupid.

going back to karma, what is it that i've done that karma's been messing with my heart for the last decade? and if karma is indeed a bitch, how come the ones who did me wrong had their happily ever after?

naliligo naman ako ah.

4th of July

as the saying goes, when in Rome do what the Romans do. so we did.

since most of the people i know went on a weeklong vacation (one which i can't afford to do), my officemates and i celebrated our version of the 4th of July...

cooked a feast for 3

  

domestic diva indeed!

capped the night watching Macy's fireworks display from the hotel's parking lot

and somewhere between lunch and the fireworks, we went shopping. a lot. 

so there, our 4th of July was a happy day both for our tummy and our luggages. the wallet will just have to deal with it.

Happy Birthday America! You are one kickass country.

ps. i love all your holiday sales!

a city called Atlantic



The Boardwalk @4am

 where people are always happy, full and drunk!

now i know why a friend of mine calls casinos "disney" as it is indeed the happiest place on earth! at least for those who like to gamble.

i, for one, am a newbie. i've only set foot in a casino twice in my life. once i played the slots, where i won and the other was just to watch some friends play.



Atlantic City is New Jersey's version of Las Vegas. a very small version of Vegas the size of which has nothing to do with the quality of fun and entertainment one can experience.

to cut the story short, i played. not the slots but on the tables, a far cry from what i intended to do which was to party and dance the night away.  i was hoping i still had beginners luck since i have yet to play on the tables. turned out, that luck expired. i blew $100 on black jack at the Showboat. but all is good. it was the best loss ever (i'm a glass half full kinda girl) because i had the best time! i was with my good friends from college, i had a couple of cocktails and corona, the band and the dj played awesome songs and the people around are all oh so pleasant. it was indeed an experience.

so yes, i may have lost, but in the end, i had fun. and it's all that matters. best part is, we're doin it again before i go back to Manila. woot woot!!!!

NYC Pride Parade 2012

my trip here in the US coincided with probably one of the major events in NYC this summer.  in support of my LGBT friends and family, i stood for 4 hours, camera in hand, amidst throngs of people - gay and straight, under the scorching heat, to watch the 2012 Pride Parade, the culmination of a month long Pride celebration  in New York.

rainbow colored flags greeted me as i exited the subway to meet a dear friend from Manila. he is gay and proud and very very happy. we went to Chelsea to catch the parade and was fortunate enough to get a good spot up front. the mood was festive, everyone was smiling. people from all ages of varied cultures, religion, race and sexual orientation flooded the sidewalks.

banners with messages ranging from flamboyant ("foreskin is fabulous") to the more serious ones ("HIV is not a crime, criminalizing it is") were seen in almost all the floats expressing what the LGBT community feels. or what they have gone through in the past.

 

i found myself hooting and yelling "Happy Pride" with the rest of the crowd.

there was no room for hate nor insult and ridicule.  it was a happy place, a happy energetic place.

then came the men, hot naked men, in pinks and golds and silvers and camouflage. omg. i think i may have drooled at one point. just a bit!

and of course the ladies and the "ladies" in drag,  in costumes or simply au naturale



the pride parade was one heck of an experience.

i'm glad i went.

i'm happy to have worn the beads and read the flyers.

i'm honored to have been a part of their community even just for a day.

in a world where cynicism. prejudice and hate exist, it was nice to be in the presence of shiny happy people who are proud to be who and what they are, standing tall with dignity. not to mention fierce and fab outfits!

and to my dear friend, thank you for taking me. you have gone a long way from the shy kid in Manila. New York suits you. i'm so happy to know that you are happy, accepted and free. you are one good person, a gift to society and more importantly to your family. don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  looking forward to our next NYC escapade.  next round of drinks on me!

happy pride!