steady as a steady does

writing to me is a form of therapy. it has become my way to cope with the not so wonderful things that came my way all these years. this blog in fact, came to be as a result of a major break-up.

this has become my own space in the cyber world where i can share all my thoughts without ever thinking that i will or am being judged (i have facebook and twitter and instagram for that!)

soooo why am i not writing more????? it's not like nothing has happened to me since May!

well nothing melodramatic has happened i have to admit. so maybe that's why i haven't graced this page in a long time. you know how musicians get inspired by tragedies and heartaches? that's prolly me and writing. sadness fuels my pen so to speak. and the fact that i haven't written in a long time is reason to be thankful for i guess.

so thank you dear universe. my life is steady.
it ain't grand as i would want it to be. but maybe steady is what i need at the moment.

i'll be turning 40 next year. imma save up all my fireworks then.

ps.
i am scared shit!!!

indifference

in·dif·fer·ence

inˈdif(ə)rəns/

noun

1. lack of interest, concern, or sympathy.

   "she shrugged, feigning indifference"

   synonyms:

   lack of concern, unconcern,disinterest, lack of interest, lack of enthusiasm, apathy, nonchalance,insouciance; More

   • unimportance.

     "it cannot be regarded as a matter of indifference"

     synonyms:

     unimportance, insignificance,irrelevance, inconsequentialityMore

     -----------

     
     

     Yup, that's it. That's just about sums  it up.

of memories long forgotten

I haven't spoken to anyone about you in a long time. And by long I mean years.
Sure you have crossed my mind in more than one occasion but none that made me reminisce and sad.

Today, however, over bottomless margaritas, I did.

For the first time, I spoke about you and it made me go back to how it was when we were close. I read the letter you asked me to write you on your birthday and I can't help but be sad.

Funny how things turn out huh? What was once a time that made me smile brought me tears. And in that instant. In that aota of a moment, I missed you.

Whatever happened to us?

of sudden longing and momentary sadness

I just finished watching The Mirror Has Two Faces for the nth time. As expected, I cried. Again. I don't think I will ever get tired of this movie. Prolly because it gives people like me hope that someday it's gonna be our turn...my turn at love and all it's glorious mess. 

My turn to find that one person that would make me feel like I'm home. One who won't judge me if I love to eat everything with butter or that salad for me isn't a meal but an appetizer. One who would look at me all messy and sweaty and still find me beautiful. One who won't tell me lies just coz that's what I wanted to hear. 

I want that. I need that. 

For the first time however, It suddenly felt like it's never gonna happen.  Mind you, that feeling of losing hope/faith over something you've always believed in scares the crap out of me. 

So I snapped out of it.

If Boots Anson-Roa got engaged at 69, why can't I right? 

Someday.  My turn will come.  I just hope I won't have to wait til I'm 69!

Lifestyle change before turning 40

I barely got 2 years before the big 40 so I better start cracking!

The plan, to lose just enough so I won't have to dela with all the stress that comes with age and obesity! Yes, I am obese in the medical world. SHOCKING I know as I was always comfortable in my own skin.  Diet and exercise were hobbies which I could do whenever I feel like it (which was close to NEVER!)

I could get away with that when I was in my twenties. Now that I'm nearing the dreaded 40, I felt the need for change. It's time for me to grow up and accept the fact that whilst confidence and personality will take me far, I knew I had to do something.

And so I did.

I had to do something with my diet first as I knew I had to eat healthier. So I succumbed to calorie counting. 1200 daily calories meal delivered at my doorstep.  At first I was a bit skeptic but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made this year. Thanks to YummyDiet for opening my eyes to eating healthier without sacrificing the taste.

Dieting was the easy part. It's the working out that's a bit intimidating.  I mean, yes I play badminton and do bikram yoga but I am far from being sporty or gym buffy. However, I knew I had to. Diet can only do so much I had to partner it with some form of exercise.  I had to make the gym my new best friend. And so, thanks to my wonderful friends, i discovered boxing!

FitFast Wellness 

and i love it. like really really love it.

Yes, the non-sporty girly girl now boxes! I mean who wouldn't with these babies?! I figured since imma be doing it at least 3 times a week, i had to invest on gloves and hand wraps. and anyone who knows me knows i happen to love pink in all shapes forms and shades.

imagine my shriek when i found these! special shoutout to nishy who pointed me to the right direction :)


and so there...my first entry for 2014 happens to be about my lifestyle change. with the help of my wonderful support group (my oplanbalikalindog friends), i'm well on my way...i'm already seeing results and my determination has not wavered. a good sign i must say.

of course i do cheat when i want. i still eat and lay around like vegies when i feel like it. the only difference now is that i know i have a choice. i know when to say no and when to say yes when it matters.

i seem to be on the right track...here's me at my heaviest (on the left) and on my first swimsuit ever (taken 2wks back in boracay)

 

i know i have a loooonnnggg way to go but at least i know which path i'm in.

before i know it, i will be forty and fabulous!