Monday, October 22, 2007

i'm getting married, please be happy for me

deep down i know i should. she seemed so sure and she said she's happy. but a big part of me was blanketed by sadness when she told me about her plans.

it was too soon. it was unexpected. i wanted to protect her. tell her she could be making the biggest mistake of her life. but i couldn't.

all my life, i've stood by her decisions, be it good or bad. she's a free spirit who does what she wants at all costs. she's had to deal with bad decisions and i didn't love her less.

a friend of mine once said, if there is one thing that a person should be selfish about, it's his/her own happiness. maybe my friend is right. and maybe that is why i won't stop her.

i want to understand, believe me i really do. i wanna share her happiness and be excited for her as every bride should be. but i still can't.

for days, i thought about the way i reacted. trying to find meaning in the way i feel. and every single time, i only arrive at one conclusion. i am the one being selfish. instead of being happy for her, all i could think of was that i was going to lose someone really dear to me to some guy i haven't even met.

it sucks i know. it's just that i wanna make sure she's doing it for the right reasons. when i know that she is, then i can be happy for her.

tell me, am i being a bitch in the one time i hope i'm not?


Bitchina said...

Well, not really. Trust your gut feel. It's a matter of raw instinct, too. Sometimes, when we know they are doing something right, we can be happy for the ones we love. We are selfish, yes. But not enough to not rejoice their happiness. And just like you said, she has a penchant for making mistakes. And this... is not a small one. Natural to get worried, my dear. You can say your 10 cents worth - it's not bad.

sushi said...

thanks mother.

Anonymous said...

I was in the same boat not too long ago. And trust me, I was going to try to be happy for her, until she started rubbing it in my face.(Eh kahit naman sinong magbalikbayan eh siguradong pipilahan ng marriage proposals di ba?)

As for you sister, I know you can be quite the protective mother hen. But you gotta try. I bet you'd be just as crazy if you were in her shoes. ;)

sushi said...

it's not that she's rubbing it on my face sister...i just wanna make sure she's not makin a mistake.
but like i said, she has her own mind. all i can do is be there for her.
hay! part of my big sister role i guess.

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