my roller coaster ride

you know that feeling before riding a roller coaster? your tummy starts to hurt with anticipation, be it coz of nerves or excitement. either way, you are so anxious for the ride to start. you fall in line and wait. while some people get lucky and go first, some would have to wait some more for their turn and once you get your turn, you brace yourself for the ride ahead.

you sit tight, fasten your seatbelt and pray that it will hold. the ride starts, slowly at first, makin you relax. it makes it's first turn. nah it wasn't so scary at all, in fact you get more comfortable that you can't wait for the next one to come as you know for sure it's gonna be better than the first.

the next turn comes, only this time it was faster and steeper. you grab on to the bar and screamed. but you're ok. while it was more intense than the first, you find yourself actually liking it. by this time, you know you're ready for the next.

but before you can brace yourself, the next one came faster than you anticipated. before you can even scream, the next one came again and this time, it flipped you over and it went faster and faster. you close your eyes and pray for it to be over.

then it slowed down just a bit. you heave a sigh of relief thinking it was over. you open your eyes. but before you can grab on to the bar again, it started to move...slowly at first then the drop came. you think you screamed but you didn't and before you can even know it, the ride has stopped. it was over.

you remove your seatbelt. you get off. your knees may be wobbly at first but you shake them a bit and then you're fine. off to the next ride you go. you know you had fun and might go fall in line again sometime. but you give yourself time to recover. maybe go for the ferris wheel or the carousel to calm your nerves and when you're ready and if you still want to, you go back and take it again.

it has been a series of highs and lows for me these past few months. i've gone from happy to angry to sad to bitter. i've laughed, cried, whined, cussed, cried some more, smiled again.

this ride is over for me. i've gone off. my knees are fine.

it is true what they say....what does not kill you would make you stronger

i believe i am.