Monday, November 07, 2005

the power of an EX

picture this. you broke up with him. he moved on. you moved on. you're finally happy with the one you're with and just when you thought things couldn't get any better, you found out he's deliriously happy and will soon get married. you know you don't have feelings for him anymore and yet you can't bring yourself to say "hey i'm happy for you"

then you start going over what happened with you guys. how you were when you were still together. recalling the things you do or didn't do, say or didn't say. you begin to compare how he is with his new girl. then you find out everything was totally different. he did things for her that he didn't do for you. went places with her which you guys planned on going. to top it all, he treated her like a normal human being.

you then begin to compare yourself with her. questions arise. is she prettier? sexier? smarter? funnier? taller? does she have bigger boobs? was her feet nicer than yours? did she go to a better school? does she have to die for hair that can earn a commercial? were you not good enough? is she a better person than you?

tsk tsk! not a pretty good sight i know but i'm sure lots of so called EX's tend to react in the same way. i for one am guilty. oh and you could never imagine what went on in this crazy head of mine ;)

true, i'm happy and life couldn't get any better. i found someone who appreciates and loves me the way my EX never did.

now why this recent event on my EX's life bothers me is still a puzzle. and no matter how hard i try to be happy for them, i just can't.

maybe i'm just being bitter. NOT! I'm just being normal i guess. forgive me if i have yet to develop the virtue of nobility in this aspect. all i could think of was how shitty and crappy he was with me and that he doesn't merit an ounce of happiness.

for a time i did ask the same questions. is she a better person than i am for her to deserve what i only hoped for in the past?

and then it hit me. i wouldn't be this happy had i not broken up with him. maybe I am the better person for now I have someone i deserve.

and yes, maybe someday, i will find it in my heart to be happy for him.

for now i just can't. no apologies nor disclaimers. i simply can't.

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