i have evolved

i used to trust people easily
naive and unsuspecting, i was THE perfect prey

that was then...
i am a different person now.
i have changed.

i no longer am an easy prey.

i have evolved. believing in someone's goodness becomes a task,
trusting doesn't come easy.

he took that part of me with him.

i was shattered when I fell
i stood and picked up the pieces

but i am no longer whole.

i'm not sure if I want it back.
i don't know if being whole again is what i need.

I have become this one piece.
One that is of the same substance but of stronger material.
Delicate but no longer fragile.

i have evolved.

let me fall

Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...

I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...

Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...

- bethany joy lenz

can i just say that...

1. it is sooooo feakin hot and i can't wait to get out of town and get drunk by the poolside woohooo!!!

2. i haven't been getting much sleep for the past couple of days because i'm tryin to finish the da vinci code. yes folks, i have yet to finish reading the ever so popular dan brown novel but i'm gettin there...a few more pages and probably another sleepless night or two hehehehe!

3. I love bethany joy lenz' songs! as i was lookin for the soundtrack of One Tree Hill, I came across Elsewhere and i can't believe i'm gonna say this but her version was better than that of Sarah McLachlan! can't wait for her album to come out! (http://www.bethanyjoylenz.com)

4. i have to visit my ever reliable nail salon as my hands and feet badly need attention! eeewww!

5. my first attempt at making pesto was a disaster! hahahha!

6. my new goal for the year : prepare the perfect pesto sauce!

7. thanks to gerson's wife, maya, i found the perfect moisturizer!

8. my dear friend ayi is doin' pretty well and i cannot be happier

9. my sister is officially home. yup! after a few weeks of tryin to make it on her own, she has finally called it quits. could be coz she misses moi? hehehe! in any case, i'm so glad she's back!

10. I AM HAPPY AND CONTENT...my family is healthy, i have a good job, really loyal and wonderful friends and a fabulous hair! ;)

life's blows

a couple of weeks ago, i found out that one of my dearest friends is sick real bad...he was diagnosed to have the early stages of leukemia (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia)

the news was a total blow...i waited for the punch line but it never came. i couldn't react when

he told me...questions flooded my mind...one kept nagging at the back of my head....

why him?

why not the scums of the earth, the good for nothing lame excuses for human beings? why not the low lives and the selfish pricks? why not the ungrateful sons and irresponsible brothers?

why him?

i was to find out eventually....

after several visits with him, i know now why.

it's because...

his family and friends love him dearly
his faith is strong and untarnished
his spirit, positive and vibrant
he is strongwilled and driven

he has no room for hate, he doesn't question why

all these said, i know now why him...because no one i know can win this battle other than him....while others would weep, he will smile...while others would quit, he will move on and fight....while others would feel sorry for themselves, he will continue to see the silver lining....

i love him dearly and he knows that.

this isn't the end....this is just a bump, a hurdle in his life....one which i know he'll overcome....

~~~~~~~
http://www.marrow.org/PATIENT/cml.html http://users.rcn.com/jkimball.ma.ultranet/BiologyPages/C/CML.html