turned off and utterly disappointed

i thought you were more than that.
i thought you were more of a man that.

but then again i thought i knew you.

apparently i don't,

what i perceived as sensible and kind was just that, mere perceptions and far from being true.

it's just sad to know now that the person i once thought to be the closest to me was actually a complete stranger.

so now i know i made the right move. gone is the guilt. gone is the hurt.
you weren't my knight in shining armor. you were just a sucker for damsels in distress. it took me 3 years to figure it out. better late than never huh?

thank you for showing me the kind of person you really are.

song in my head. mood of my day.

I'm Not That Girl  
by Stephen Schwartz (Wicked the Musical)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

i woke up but my right face didn't

Electromyography (EMG)

it pays to be vain. at least that's what my neurologist told me when i was admitted to the Makati Medical Center last week. had i not been vain, i wouldn't have noticed the symptoms right away.

i've been experiencing consistent pain at the back of my right ear since i got back so i went for a neuro consult last week. at first i thought it was just a simple jetlag so i didn't give it much thought until tuesday (aug. 21) when i noticed that my right eye wasn't blinking as fast as my left. being used to allergies, i thought it was just a simple attack so i took some antihistamine.

on wednesday (aug. 22) it got worse. my right eye was watery and i couldn't pucker my lips nor make bubble faces. when i looked at the mirror, i knew something was wrong. my right face wasn't reacting the same way as my left. i googled all my symptoms and looked for a good neuro so i could schedule a consult.

thursday afternoon, i went to Makati Med and was admitted right away. what i thought was jetlag turned out to be an early symptom of Bells Palsy  - "a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunction of the cranial nerve VII (the facial nerve) that results in the inability to control facial muscles on the affected side" .

at the ER, the attending physician told me it was good that i went to the doctor right away. usual prognosis takes about a month or two while some percentage never recover. mine took a week. i was given antibacterial and steroids and physical therapy sessions which include electric stimulation and heat therapy as well as facial massages and exercise.

by the time i got out of the hospital last monday (aug. 27), my face was almost back to normal.

i'm still taking some meds and i still need to have physical therapy at least once a week but all is good.

so there, that's how my first month in Manila was spent. i say that's one helluva homecoming.