an itch i couldn't scratch

and it's drivin me nuts!

yup! last year, april was the one who had it! hers got scratched and now she's at peace. good for her. gone are the what ifs and her could've beens.

now it's my turn. damn it!

what is it with things (and people) that you almost but can't quite have that makes you WANT them MORE????? and the stupid thing is, you're not even sure IF you would like what you get in the end. it could just be a fluke, an itch that once it gets scratched, it goes away. leaving no trail that it ever existed.

but what if it isn't? what if it's the start or a sign of something good. a promise of greater things. a month, year or a life together. then you lose sleep thinkin about it.

NOT GOOD! NEVER GOOD!

arrrrggghhh! kill me now! please?